The AVALANCHERS
by Valentina Leono
Summary: Its the AVALANCHERS once again in a other funny adventure, read it, and laugh..you'll enjoy. R&R!!
1. Default Chapter

The City of Midgar...  
  
A lively city with not so friendly people. ::shows a old lady getting mugged and being beaten down:: The schooling...not so in tacked. ::Shows a school being towed down by a kindergartener in a pick-up truck:: But there's only one good thing about it...The AVALANCHERS!  
  
::the powerpuff girls theme plays as they show the AVALANCHERS riding around in a car with beer bottles in there hands. The they showed the villains (boo), and then AVALANCHE beating the shit out of them. Then the song stops::  
  
Ah yes, the AVALANCHERS, such cool people, friendly and open to other. Well except Vincent, hahahaha!!  
  
Vincent] Hey!  
  
Cid] Well, its true.  
  
Vincent] I don't care! Why am I the gloomy one? I'm happy sometime, RIGHT!? ::shakes Cid rapidly::  
  
Cid] Vincent...you scare the shit out of me.  
  
Ahem, may I continue?  
  
Both] yeah.  
  
Good. Midgar would have been a magnate for crime, rape, murder, treason, terrorist attacks...  
  
FF7 people] GET ON WITH IT!  
  
Sorry! Anyways, on with the fic, if I don't screw up again I just might get apart in Mrs. Leono's stories, hehe.  
  
Valentina] Don't quit your day job, Hex!!  
  
Hex] Ack, uhh, ok back to the fic, before I get fired...  
  
Valentina] You're damn right! You're hanging by a thread my dear friend! ::throws a soda can at him::  
  
Hex] OW YOU DAMN BITCH...I mean thank you Mrs. Leono, may I have another? ::bows::  
  
Valentina] Yes. ::throws a Mountain Dew can at him, then a old Coke Cola bottle:: Now read damn you!  
  
Hex] ::mumbles something and continues:: But there's always someone who thinks they can get away with crime without AVALANCHE knowing, the evil MojoHojo!!  
  
Hojo] Hey! Don't call me MojoHojo! It's Hojo, damn it!  
  
Hex] Whatever. Hojo was Midgar most evil, most vile, most malicious, most obnoxious..   
  
Hojo} GET ON WITH IT!  
  
Hex] Sorry. He was Midgar's most hated man.  
  
Hojo] That's better.  
  
Hex] He worked in his lab night and day working on a new creation to destroy AVALANCHE, and rule the world.  
  
Hojo] ::laughs:: yes! No one will stop me! Once Rex-TX1 is ready I'll rule the world hahahaha, and I'll be unstoppable, cause no one can beat, Hojo, that's right, no one can beat me the great Hojo AND because MojoHojo said so, HAHAHHAHA!! Wait.....I just called myself MojoHojo, DAMN IT!!  
  
Hex] Oh no! I hope it won't be done until tommarow, the AVALANCHERS are too drunk to do anything now.  
::At Tifas bar::  
  
Yuffie] WHOOOO!! Take it off, Vinny, WHOO!!  
  
::Vincent is dancing on the bar totally wasted and stripping::  
  
Vincent] I'm too sexy for my cape, too sexy for my cape, oh yeah!  
  
Barret] Man, I'm so...wasted! Hey Tifa! Get me another beer, Playboy girl!  
  
Tifa] Barret! How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?!  
  
Cloud] You know it's true, Tif. You screw anyone who lands on ya.  
  
Tifa] That's SO not true!  
  
::Vincent then falls off the bar and lands on Tifa::  
  
Tifa] Oh Vincent! ::starts to make out with him::  
  
Cid] You know, I think Vincent dose that on purpose.  
  
Cait Sith] NAH! That's not Vincent style.  
  
Vincent] Hey Tifa, what to go somewhere else?  
  
Tifa] The back room?  
  
Vincent] Sure!  
  
::Vincent and Tifa run into the back room and shut the door behind them. Everyone looks to the door then to Cait Sith.::  
  
Cait Sith] Ok, maybe I was wrong, so what!?  
  
Hex] Meanwhile...  
  
Hojo] Hahaha, my monster is complete! Now AVALANCHERS meet your fate!!  
  
Hex] Back at the bar...  
  
::Everyone is all crazy like, Yuffie is swinging on the light fixture, Barret runs up to the camera and scream in it, Cid is singing "I believe I can fly", Clouds pasted out, Cait Sith and Red are playing poker, and Tifa and Vincent are still in the back::  
  
Red] Hey, I have a bad feeling that Midgar is going to be attacked by a T-Rex like monster.  
  
Cait Sith] Nah, its must be Yuffies cooking doing that.  
  
Red] ::farts:: Yep!  
  
Hex] Just then, a huge T-Rex like monster attacks Midgar!  
  
::people scream in horror running from this terrible monster::  
  
Hex] Then...  
  
::Their naked Aeris phone starts to ring as her tits start to blink. Tifa run out of the back room naked and answers the phone.::  
  
Tifa] Hello powerpu...I mean AVALANCHE.  
  
Reeve] AVALANCHE, the city is in danger, a huge T-Rex like monster is attacking the city, hurry!  
  
Tifa] We're on our way! ::she hangs up the phone:: Come on guys ::The powerpuff theme plays as she runs out the door naked::  
  
Cait Sith] Uhhh...  
  
::Vincent walks out dressed, and everyone looks to the door waiting::  
  
Red] 5...4...3...2...1..  
  
::Tifa runs back in and into the back room. She comes back out all dress:: Tifa] Come on guys!  
  
::theme plays again as they run out the door leaving pasted out cloud behind. They get in a convertible and drives off::  
  
Cait Sith] Hey, I didn't know we had a convertible?  
  
Tifa] We don't.  
  
Cait Sith] Then who's car is this?  
  
Vincent] His...::points to a guy running after them screaming that's my car:::  
  
Cait Sith] ::looks:: oh, ok! ::turns back around::  
  
Yuffie] ::stands up and starts to take off her shirt:: WHOOO!  
  
Cid] Aw Man!!! Yuffie, put your damn shirt back on!!  
  
Barret] Yeah, foo! We maybe drunk, but I'm not that drunk to look at your tits!!  
  
Yuffie] You guys are mean assholes!  
  
Cid & Barret] We know.  
  
::they past up a sign that said: Leaving Midgar::  
  
Red] Uhh, Tifa, why are we leaving Midgar?  
  
Tifa] I don't want to get killed by that huge T-rex like monster, are you nuts!  
  
Red] Yeah you got a point.  
  
Cid] So, where to people? ::takes out a cigarette and lights it::  
  
Yuffie] How about Costa Del Sol?  
  
Everyone] Nah!  
  
Barret] Gold Saucer?  
  
Everyone] Nah!  
  
Vincent] How about Hell?  
  
::everyone pauses for a solid minute and then...::  
  
Everyone] Yeah!!  
  
::the song "Highway to Hell" plays as they leave Midgar::  
  
Hex] Once again the day is screwed thanks to the AVALANCHERS! My god that was one crapy ass fic. You AVALANCHERS suck!!!!  
  
::the car stops::  
  
Hex] Uh oh, uh...bye!!  
  
::hex runs for his dear sweet life as they chase him with the car down the highway. The they ran him over 5 times::  
  
Tifa] There! That teaches you to say we suck, you ass!!  
  
::they drive off with the song still playing::  
  
Valentina] Hello everyone, I am Valentina Leono the author of this fic. I know it might have been corny, but I was my first one, SO DON'T JUDGE ME!! ::clears throat:: I hope you review this, it will bring a smile to my face. Thank you everyone, kiss kiss.  
  
Copy writes Squaresoft.   



	2. A spring day!

The city of Midgar...  
  
It was a beautiful day in Midgar. Birds are chriping songs ::Shows a baby bird chriping, then the branch breaks with it on it:: Kids are playing in the nice, quiet streets ::show a little boy playing with a ball, then gets hit by a Semi-Truck:: And the people are friendly ::shows two guys bump into each other, then start to get into a big brawl:: Ah yes, spring is here and are most favorte people, the AVALANCHERS are spending it at the park, having a picnic.  
  
Cloud: ::Inhales the air:: AH, what a day to have a picnic and relax.  
  
Barret: Relax from what?! Running away from monsters and drinking???  
  
Cloud: ....yeah thats about it.  
  
Barret: Oh, ok. I was just wondering  
  
::They set the picnic site up and sits back::  
  
Yuffie: I want to chase the duckys! Vinny, let's go chase the duckys!! ::she drags him by the arm::  
  
Vincent: Why am i the tourchered one?  
  
::Aeris and Tifa sit next to Cloud snuggling him::  
  
Aeris: Cloudy, can me and you take a nice walk on the path and fake that we got lost and make out?   
  
Tifa: Hell no! He's mine you stupid whore!!!  
  
Aeris: Who are you calling whore, you slut!!  
  
::they stand up getting into there battle stances::  
  
Aeris: Ok, bring it on, Bitch!  
  
Tifa: Gladly!  
  
::they get into one of those cloudy fights, as Cloud sits there watching big breasted women play Volleyball::  
  
Cloud: Hehehe, thats the way to play!  
  
At the Lake...  
  
Yuffie: Here Ducky, ducky, ducky!! ::She chases a duck around the tree as vincent watches her like shes gone insane::  
  
Yuffie: Come on, Vinny, chase the duckies.  
  
Vincent: no..  
  
Yuffie: Come on , Vinny, chase the duckies!!  
  
Vincent: no!  
  
Yuffie: COME ON, VINNY, CHASE THE DUCKIES!!!!!  
  
Vincent: NO!  
  
Yuffie: Chase the damn ducks, you basterd!!!  
  
Vincent: ::walks over to a duck, pulling out his gun and shoots it:: There!! I chase the duckies!!! ::he walks away::   
  
Yuffie:: OH MY GOD! you killed ducky!  
  
A duck : You basterd!  
  
At the playground....  
  
Kid: ::crys:: Mommy! that ugly man stole my swing!!  
  
Cid: who you calling ugly, you little brat!   
  
Kid: You!   
  
Cid: OH, thats it!! ::stands:: Show me whatcha got, Kid!!  
  
Kid: ::he runs up to Cid, and gives him a hard low blow and runs off::  
  
Cid: ::falls, holding his nuts::  
  
Barret: Gezz man, that kid showed you.  
  
Cid: Oooh, get me some ice, i think its swollen.  
  
Barret: Eww ,am, I'm not getting you no ice far that!  
  
Cid: Come on, im dying here!!  
  
Barret: Hell no! ::walks away::  
  
Cid: Aw come on, man! ::Crawls after him::  
  
At the Picnic site....  
  
::tifa and Aeris are still fighting. Clouds now taping the Volleyball game, and Vincent walks up::  
  
Vincent: Hey Cloud. Wheres Red and Cait Sith?  
  
Cloud: No clue, they did come with us.  
  
Vincent: ::looks to tifa and Aeris fighting then to cloud camera::..so, what are ya taping?  
  
Cloud: The game..  
  
Vincent: Game?  
  
::cloud points to the girls playing, Vincent looked, and sat down::  
  
Vincent: I'll join you then..  
  
At the Enterce to the park...  
  
Red: Let us in now!  
  
Park Ranger: Sorry, kitty, i cant. No Pets allowed  
  
Cait Sith: We're not pets!!  
  
P. Ranger: Then what are you?  
  
Red: uhhh...  
  
Cait Sith:.....p-pokemon?  
  
P. Ranger: Just what i thought...::thats out a shotgun:: Alright get off the park propertiy, or I'll blast a cap in you ass!  
  
Red & Cait: ..but we're pokemon!!  
  
P. Ranger: if you pokemon..then i still have to shot you..rules are, if anything or anyone from pokemon step foot in this park it assigned to shot them down dead..  
  
::then, Ash from pokemon walk up and trys to past, but the ranger shot his head off and he fell dead in a second::  
  
Ranger: see..  
  
Red: ok then.....umm..we're Digimon!  
  
Ranger: AHH! ::takes out a tasser and shocks Red, he fall completely burnt::   
  
Cait sith: Ah! Red13mon..i mean Red!  
  
Ranger:..we have to shock anything thats digimon, now its your turn!  
  
Cait Sith: AHH!! ::runs past the Ranger and into the park::  
  
Ranger: Hey get back here!!  
  
Picnic site...  
::Cloud and vincent sat back watching the juggy's (sorry i like to watch the Man Show even though im a woman myself, its just funny) drinking beers, while Tifa and aeris still fight::  
  
Vincent:...my god..  
  
Cloud: ..god bless the park..  
  
::one of the girls leap up to get the ball, and fall into a puddle, she stands and runs over with her wet white shirt::  
  
Vincent: you getting that?  
  
Cloud: yep! Hehehe  
  
:then one of the juggy's looke to them and waves, they wave back. She runs over, but as she does, her "Jugs" bouce up and down in delightness:  
  
VBall Juggy: Hey guys!  
  
Both: Hi...  
  
VBall Juggy: You guys wanna play..w're short two players..  
  
Vincent:: ..love too!  
  
::she smiles and pulls them up, leading them to the VBall nets::  
  
Minute later...  
  
::Tifa And Aeris stop there fighting and looks around::  
  
Tifa: Hey where's Cloud?  
  
Aeris: ?  
  
::then Cloud blod laughand Vincent deep chuckle, came from the VBall nets. They looked and seen vincent and cloud playing VBall with Juggy's::  
  
Tifa: How dare they!  
  
Aeris: OH! He will be hurt SO badly!  
  
::they stomp over::   
  
Aeris: Cloud! ::as she was about to say something else, a VBall hit her in the face and knocks her over dead::  
  
Vincent: Oh my god i killed Aeris!  
  
Tifa: yeah..so what else is new..  
  
Vincent:..nothin..just playing with these nice women over here ::smiles to them::   
  
Tifa: oh yeah..Cloud, Vincent, you come back here right now, i need pleasure!!  
  
::the both look blankly at her::  
  
Vincent:..Tifa, remember the rule..i cant screw you unless im drunk..got that  
  
Tifa:...well..Get drunk now!!  
  
Vincent: No!  
  
Cloud: oh this always gets werid..  
  
Tifa: Cloud , come!  
  
Cloud: no!  
  
Tifa: damnit!! Come both of you!!  
  
::then a Vbal hits her and she falls dead::  
  
Cloud: Nice shot vincent...your more deadly with balls than a gun   
  
Vincent: you know what...i think you right, hahhaha..  
  
::everyone begins to play again, as Cait Sith runs past with the ranger on his tail, cid crawls over to the cooler, grabing some ice and putting it in his pants. A park truck drives by with Yuffie in a cage::  
  
Once again the picnic was fun, thanks to the Juggy's!  
  
Barret: Hey! wait! Nothing happened to me!!  
  
Uhh..  
  
Barret: Make something happen to me!  
  
Ok..::clears throat:: Meanwhile, when all the good stuff was happening, Barret got lost in the forest next to the part, getting chased by something...  
  
Barret: Oh my god! What the fuck is that! What the fuck is that! AHHH!!  
  
::then shows Barret with the carmera pointed to his face, up his nose somewhat::  
  
Barret: I want to say im sorry, that i wanted to make something happen to me, and that it was stupid of me to walk into this forest...even though i dont know how i got here. I love you guys, forgive me...  
  
::the camera drops, and gose out::  
  
ONCE Again! The day was fun thanks to the Juggy's and that thing that chased Barret.  
  
  
  
  
Valentina: Im sorry the BBC would like to applogize to all those duck lovers. It was wrong and bad that Yuffie and Vincent we're chasing them, and shooting. I hope you can forgive us, we'll do better. Thank you, Kiss kiss.  
  
No Ducks, Reds, or Barrets were harm during the making of this fi, thank you.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
